“Be Happy First” – WTF Does this even mean?

This is a topic I want to explore in more depth on my daily blogging challenge in 2020. I went for a walk today on the beach and was thinking about this statement,“Be Happy First”.

It feels like such a huge subject that I don’t even know where to start, but here goes…

When it comes to weight loss and body transformation; you will often hear people saying “Be Happy First”.

“Losing weight won’t make you happy.”

Try telling that to most overweight people! Obviously, being healthy, slim and able to wear lovely clothes IS going to make you HAPPIER.

But it is not going to fix things if you are TRULY UNHAPPY.

Logically I knew what “BE HAPPY FIRST” meant; but it also really confused me to be honest. I didn’t really know what it meant until recently.

I felt like I had everything that I needed to be happy, and the only missing piece of my puzzle was to lose weight, and then everything would be perfect. And then I would FINALLY BE HAPPY.

In 2014 I had achieved all my big life goals.

I was married, I had 2 beautiful children, I had a successful business, I was doing work I loved, I had moved to a home with a sea view and on paper everything was perfect.

But I was very unhappy.

I really couldn’t understand it.

I thought it might be post natal depression. I also thought it was a natural human reaction to some hurtful things that people I trusted did that broke my heart & spirit.

All I know is that I felt so bad, and so sad. I couldn’t shake it off.

I had just had a baby, and I had mobility issues from (SPD) pelvic pain and a broken ankle, I was going to physiotherapy to help me get back on my feet. I was focused on doing the diet to lose the pregnancy weight.

I thought I would be happy when I lost weight and could walk without a limp.

I kept focused on working on my goals, focused on my diet, hoping that it would all turn out good some day soon.

I did get back on my feet.

I did lose the weight.

But I still wasn’t happy.

I really couldn’t understand it.

I had everything I wanted and on top of that I practiced gratitude, I meditated, I walked in nature, I was constantly learning, I had spa days and bubble baths.

Why was I not happy?

It took a traumatic event to bring everything to the surface and for me to go to therapy. Through therapy I found out a lot about myself, and why I was so unhappy.

The happiest months of my life have been from July 2019 to now.

I want to share with you why I am happy now. It took me to age 44 years and 1 year of therapy to find out how to love myself.

I knew that whatever operating system I had been running on for the first 44 years of my life was not working, and I needed to make some serious changes to my life, because I want the next 44 years to be amazing.

And I want to my kids to grow up with a healthy amount of self love and boundaries.

In Summer 2019 I simply committed to put myself first.

If I wanted my daughter’s to grow up as healthy empowered women; then I needed to be a Mother who was those things.

So many times I let other priorities become more important than me. So many times I was running on empty. No more. I still am working on this, but I am consciously improving my schedule and commitments to ensure I do not get burned out. I feel more in control of my life now.

I decided to love myself as if I was the most important person in my life. Because I am. (And you are the most important person in your life too.)

Once I made the commitment to truly love myself, everything started to change for me.

I started to think and speak more kindly to myself. This is still something I am working on and will be working on for the rest of my life I am sure. I am so aware of my inner talk now more than ever before.

I stopped caring what other people thought of me. This one was huge for me – I realised how much I cared what people thought of me, even though it was obvious that these people did not care for me. Why should I care what they think of me? This was a great burden to let go off.

I started to trust my emotions as feedback, and not something that I needed to suppress. I accepted and validated my own feelings. If someone treated me poorly, I had every right to upset about that, I wasn’t wrong for having these emotions. Now I feel my feelings and I don’t judge myself for having them.

I realised I need to start seeing situations & people for what they really are and stop making excuses for other people acting poorly. Words mean nothing, if they are not backed up by consistent actions.

I reflected on how many times I had let people chip away at my weak boundaries. Now I am very clear on what my boundaries are and they are strong!

I realised that I am not responsible for how other people feel or how they solve their problems. I have my own feelings and problems to focus on.

When I read through this list above it is so clear to me now why I was so unhappy. But it wasn’t clear to me before. It was like I was unconscious to this all.

Some of you might read this and it might sound so alien to you that someone would feel this way and not have strong boundaries and self love. I hope some day my children are like you.

I am writing this because I hope that someone will be reading this and realise why they are unhappy and that they might realise they need to make changes too.

“Be Happy First.”

Such a simple statement, the meaning behind it is HUGE.

I think it really means PUT YOURSELF FIRST.

Does that sound selfish? Put yourself first.

I think a lot of us think it is selfish and that is the problem.

You can’t live a happy healthy inspired life if you are do not love yourself and have standards and boundaries that protect you and respect you.

Putting yourself first is not selfish; it is a healthy normal thing to do.

It takes a lot of guts and courage to start putting yourself first if it isn’t natural to you.

But all I say is that it is worth it.

YOU are worth it.

If you have children, they are worth it, because by you loving yourself, you will demonstrate to them how they should love themselves. As a result you will live a happier healthier life, and so will they, and so will their children.

You loving yourself, could be your legacy.

If you are not sure where to start, start by asking “IF I loved myself, what would I do?”

If you would like me to keep exploring this topic in blog posts please let me know.

Much Love,

Julz xox

PS. If you want to join me on a journey of self love and transformation this year, please check out the special offer page on our website, and join our secret slimmers group on facebook so that we can share this journey of self love and transformation together. xox