February Love Theme: Selfless
There are many reasons that people gain weight, or struggle to maintain weight. One of those reasons is that they are selfless. Selfless people can also be known as People Pleasers or Codependent.
They put other people before themselves because they are selfless. Because of having no time or energy left; their weight goes up and self esteem goes down. They lose their sense of self, and start to think that they don’t matter.
It is a very sad thing, that really makes me feel so compassionate for these people (because I can relate so deeply), and if you are reading this and feel that this is you, I really hope that you will read this blog post, and think about making this an important part of your life going forward.
A lot of people feel like they have no time for themselves, and they can lead a very thankless life. When you keep sacrificing yourself for people who are capable or should be responsible for themselves, it is often met with entitlement, and even resentment. This can lead people pleasers who are selfless to feel empty, under appreciated and unloved.
I am not going to be encouraging anyone to be selfless. Far from it – I do not think that anything good comes from being a selfless people pleaser. It is very toxic, but the good news is that if you do suffer from this YOU CAN CHANGE IT.
If you think self care is selfish; then I would urge you to really sit with this thought with the aim of realising how this is not serving you or creating a healthy lifestyle for you or your family.
PEOPLE PLEASER AWARENESS
People pleasers are known to be selfless people. This can also be known as being codependent. The problem with people pleasers is that it is hard for them to see reality, and that is why working with a therapist or in a group is needed to help you to see what the real situation is.
Definition of a People Pleaser
Pleasers have certain personality characteristics that are developed in childhood. They are often perfectionists who were influenced by very demanding parental expectations and/or criticism. Pleasers often, but not necessarily come from unhappy homes with high conflict or emotionally distant parents.
Richard Gannon on you tube has some great videos on recovering from codependency. Melody Beattie also has a great book called “Codependent No More”. I would highly recommend both, especially if you come from a crazy family background that involves addiction or narcissistic personality types.
BE KIND TO OTHERS, BUT MOST OF ALL BE KIND TO YOURSELF FIRST.
Rather than being selfless; be KIND, but not in a way that sacrifices your own wellbeing. Make the people in your life responsible for their stuff and you look after your stuff.
Building a strong sense of self worth; takes consistent action and a change of self talk.
You have to realise that your life matters, and start with carving out time for yourself. If you hear your inner voice coming up with talk that you are being selfish you need to talk yourself around to focusing on how your self care is important for your health and wellbeing.
Start with the basics; sleep, nutrition, exercise, fresh air, friends, me time, hobbies, boundaries, goals, dreams. Start to build your life, around YOU.
When you sacrifice your own health and wellbeing to please others, you are sending out the wrong message to your children. Many kids will repeat what they see their parents doing. So if you want to see your children live a healthy lifestyle and have strong boundaries; then that starts with you demonstrating that with how you live your life.
Being a Mum, or having elderly parents to look after, does mean that you will be in a position that it is hard to get time to yourself. I would call this kindness – rather than being selfless. In this situation where you are caring for people who need you; try and look at how you can make time for yourself, and ask other people to support you and give you time for yourself.
However if you are sacrificing yourself for people who should be responsible for their own stuff, this is where you need to focus on making changes.
BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND SENSE OF SELF WORTH
Building your self esteem and self worth are crucial for your long term weight maintenance and health.This comes from your commitment to your SELF CARE.
Being committed to your self care and healthy habits needs to be your priority. You have to be comfortable with putting YOUR HEALTH AND WELLBEING FIRST. If you are not well, you are no use to anyone.
Having strong boundaries with people and not letting people take advantage of your good nature is important and HEALTHY. It can be hard to put boundaries in place. One of my favourite instagram accounts that can help you setting boundaries and self healing ishttps://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/
Don’t be selfless; be kind to other people, without carrying others or sacrificing yourself. It is a balancing act; if in doubt, side with yourself and your own self care.
If living a happy inspired life, and being a healthy role to your children is important to you – make it your mission to stop being SELFLESS and start making SELF CARE your priority.
BIG LOVE,
JULZ XO
